into the heart of the raging tempest.

6s3a06236s3a06256s3a06316s3a06356s3a06386s3a06406s3a06416s3a37326s3a77296s3a93606s3a93746s3a9377There are times you feel the earth shift beneath you. There’s no real warning. One minute, you’re standing on something you considered solid and constant. The next, you’re running after the hope of safety as everything that was put in place to support you simply can’t anymore. The charade is finished, the veneer shattered. You see the reality of it now. You are on your own.

I hadn’t felt that way in a long time. I hoped I never would again. I was consumed with anguish and fear as I felt it slowly creep back into my heart, tying my stomach in those unwelcome and familiar knots. Like slowly wading out into freezing water on the edge of a black night, devoid of any source of light.

I’m shaking in the dark
And I don’t know what to look for
I’m naked in the dark
And I don’t know what I’m waiting for
Anymore

Of course, the question that must have formed in your mind is, “Why?” Why indeed. The answer is simple. Why does anyone, of their own free will and choice, throw themselves into the eye of the raging tempest?

The answer: love. Or rather, what becomes of love when it’s left unsupervised and without a concept of boundaries. When someone you love makes their way into the black, the toxic, the chaotic of the world, you jump in after them. Because you love them. It’s our instinct, our heart propelling us forward when logic can’t be heard. We can’t help it. Though, I would argue, maybe we should.

This, of course, sounds heartless. Cold. Cruel. Harsh. But, consider this: If the object of your pure and heroic love made a conscious decision to enter that black and toxic place, if they went there of their own free will, and won’t make their mind up to leave it, what then? Do you spend all of your energy dragging them out of it, into the warmth and the light of life, only to watch them speedily return to it the moment you turn your back?

I think not. I think your efforts will be found forever in vain, your energy all but spent on a void. And you, the tirelessly noble, will begin to fade. You will fade every day, until eventually, what you had been is lost and forgotten.

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4 thoughts on “into the heart of the raging tempest.

  1. i need to write you a letter. I’ve been drafting it in my head for ever and ever, but coincidentally my own world-shattering earth-shifting has gotten in the way. I wish instead of writing a letter I could just sit and drink tea and talk with you for hours. how is it that’s not a thing we’ve ever actually done. it feels like we have.
    either way. I don’t know the exact cause behind this. but I know this, and i’m sorry. For good-heartedness that hurts you and for love that leaves you somehow more alone than ever. it truly 100% sucks.

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    1. Good gosh this comment made me truly cry. Those last three sentences – woah. I don’t know how we haven’t drank tea together and talked for hours…except maybe we have in another life at some point. And the universe just draws us back together over and over again. I like to think that. And also that we will in the future. I think I’ll write you a letter soon even if I don’t get one from you. Because I feel like you’d be fine with that anyway.

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  2. Wow, Meg. Some heavy stuff here. Sometimes you remind me of the embodiment of my inner thoughts and observations. Only, I’m too lazy to record them. I don’t like re-reading them on the occasions that I do. I usually feel guilty for something. I’ve learned to prepare myself for inaccurate and unsolicited criticisms with personal relationships. My approach is to just shut down. Your musings give me rise and encourage me to think and write.
    D.

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