Childhood should be safe and warm, filled with light and love and all things nurturing. But it rarely ever is — at least not entirely. Because grown-ups aren’t perfect. And neither is a child’s perspective.
There are things that happen to us, when we’re young. Things unfair and unjust – from the smallest incident to the biggest abuse. They happen, and oftentimes we find ourselves, many years later, still tangled up in its grasp. Because at the time, we didn’t get the chance to fully comprehend the situation. Because, at the time, we couldn’t make sense of it, were powerless to escape it. We were only children. What could we do? Other than feel forgotten, stuck, sorrowful, angry, resentful — and continue on with life.
Only, sometimes, I think we’re not sure how to properly do this after such events take place. How to properly deal with this anger, this hurt. And so we stow it away, far down, deep below. As deep down within us as we can find, into the smallest cupboard in the darkest corner of our own heart. And we try to forget. But this thing, this harbored injustice, it is alive and breathing, like a great sleeping dragon. And, eventually, sleeping things stir.
And when they stir, resistance is futile. Like a screaming baby in a crib, it needs to be cared for. It needs to be acknowledged, validated, seen, understood. Don’t you see? You cannot grow by shoving parts of you back into the ground. Even the darkest and ugliest of them. Without them, you become something untrue. Instead, you must stare them in the face. You must say, “I see you. I know you. What happened to you? It wasn’t fair. And maybe it wasn’t the worst possible thing in comparison to others, but that doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt. That doesn’t disappear your own scars. And so, I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry that you felt left, afraid, and broken.
“But when you were alone, you learned about yourself. You learned to feel in that great, big way that you always have. You learned to think your own thoughts, to make your own decisions. You learned that there is value in peace, quiet, and stillness. You learned that there are invisible helping hands, always there to hold you up. You learned that there is a great deal more to entertain yourself with in your own head than anyone had previously lead you to believe. You learned about the things you could create from them.
And, when it comes down to it, Little Self, what would we trade that for?“